Wouldn’t it be nice if we could feel only “good” emotions, such as happiness, joy and pleasure? Or would it? Stop for a moment and think about how you feel when you experience joy. What caused you to become conscious of feeling joyful? For most humans, joy floods the mind and body when everything in life is acceptable and stable, i.e., they like their job, relationships are good, health is good, and so on. Moreover, joy does not fade like happiness. Happiness is a temporary emotional reaction to a fortuitous event, such as watching your child win an academic award or learning you are being promoted at work.
On the other hand, joy is more of a persistent, almost spiritual sensation that endures beyond the moment. Feeling joyful entails living in the moment and embracing life at its fullest. Joy is understanding the essence of life.
Why We Fear Feeling Pleasure and Joy
How many times have you felt joyful at a particularly awesome time in your life and then suddenly felt afraid? Not the kind of primal fear you experience when watching a Stephen King movie or hear a strange noise outside your window at midnight. Instead, this joy-induced fear is more like a sense of dread or unease. Some people actually report anxiety bordering on panic upon feeling joy. Why does this happen?
Simply because we fear the possibility of suffering through the opposite of joy. We fear the strong sense of vulnerability that inexplicably accompanies joyful feelings. We believe that, in our state of blissful joy, something bad will happen. Something will force the joy out of our lives and replace it with an abiding fear and uncertainty we are all-too-familiar with.
Are We Born with an Inner Critic?
You might think you remember feeling self-critical as a child but that was not you berating yourself. That was an adult–a parent, teacher, family member–who indirectly or directly criticized you either verbally or non-verbally (frown, eye-roll, pursed lips). As a child, you absorbed the attitudes and emotions adults display like a dry, thirsty sponge absorbing a puddle of water. If you are your own worst critic right now, be assured you were not born with that character trait. Your fear of allowing yourself to revel in joyful feelings comes from adults who may have disparaged you as a child. They created the inner “party pooper” within you that won’t let you feel joy and pleasure. However, you have every right to experience an unwavering, soaring sense of gladness at being alive in the here and now.
“Better Be Safe Than Sorry”
Who said that and why did they say that? Obviously, somebody who feared feeling pleasure and joy! Think about how many times you may have said this silently to yourself when you really, really wanted to take a giant, soul-enriching leap into previously uncharted areas. Now, imagine refusing to ever say these words again. Ever.
Don’t fear joy. Bury your inner critic and give that beast its last rights. Embrace joy, breathe it in, sleep with it–rejoice with your new-found joy–it’s always been there, waiting for you to accept it into your life. This world is full of choices, opportunities and meaningful experiences just waiting for you to seize and enjoy–without fear.
