Change is inevitable.
A little change will do you good.
Everything changes, nothing stays the same.
These are all things that are said when a person is faced with a situation which results in things not being the same as they were. For the most part, people shrug it off, accept that things are different and move on with their lives. We strive to change our lives in order to improve them. But sometimes we change the conditions to prevent us from succeeding in our careers or being fulfilled in our relationships. So why is that so few people change? Or stay in unfulfilling relationships?
Part of the reason is that authentic change takes a lot of work and usually involves facing pain. Another reason is that change is unpredictable. We all want positive change, but rocking the proverbial apple cart means confronting the unfamiliar and all of the feelings that may arise. Those who most resist change have an interesting view of life and the things going on around them. They often see life through a lens of fear instead of opportunity. For this reason, people have a strong fear of change.
Think about this for a moment. If you had let fear rule your life, you would have never:
- Learned to drive
- Landed that great job opportunity
- Met your best friend
- Met your true love
That is just the tip of the iceberg. Life becomes limited when we stay within the confines of our comfort zone. New experiences broaden horizons. They allow us to explore different avenues. Not letting yourself have these experiences is cheating yourself out of life.
But we actually change All. The. Time.
Seriously. Something in our lives changes daily, and there are have been numerous changes we just didn’t really notice. For example, if you’ve ever had to take a different route to work, that was change. Not eating the same thing for lunch every day requires change. You were going to do something and now you aren’t/You weren’t going to do something but now you are: Change.
All of these ideas came up for me when I had dinner with a friend a few months ago. We were discussing his daughter, in particular, how she was afraid moving from pre-school to kindergarten. A bubbly, cheerful girl who looked forward to school and playing with her classmates was now anxious and afraid to go to school. Getting dressed in the morning and settling in at night was now an ordeal; she did not want to go back to school.
This girl is struggling with the unpredictable nature of change and how the world can present you with an entirely new set of different experiences. My friend consulted with a therapist regarding helping his daughter through this transition. They seem to be doing excellent, he is helping her feel that she is not entirely helpless in the face of change. And, she feels a sense of control over her life.
So, for those who have a tough time with change, keep this is mind: Just because something changes, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. Embrace the idea of something new. Try it. If you don’t like it, change it back.
Yes, it really does go both ways.
