It’s no secret that most people make and then break their New Year’s resolution. There are plenty of worthy suggestions from the Internet and self-help books that help provide a step-by-step plan; however, these resources often times ignore the unconscious reasons why we often fail to fulfill our New Year’s resolutions.
There is value and meaning behind those “bad habits” that we want to shed. Bad habits develop to satisfy physical and/or emotional needs we otherwise can’t fulfill. In marriages or relationships without affection, or where sex has died, we often eat as a substitute for the physical contact we crave. Consuming food may also anesthetize emotions such as grief or anger that we can’t bear to feel. Unless you objectively delve into the origins of your bad habits and why they continue to persist, it is unrealistic to expect you’ll keep your resolutions.
The most common New Year’s resolutions is dieting or losing weight. Depriving ourselves of that instant gratification of food can be painful. Hunger alone is difficult to bear. Once you take away your comfort foods you might feel sad or angry as a result of your diet. How will you cope with the underlying emotions you have been avoiding with food? Making the decision to stop eating your favorite comfort foods suddenly on New Year’s Eve without giving any thought as to why you overindulge is a set-up to return to our tried-and-true way of coping.
Another New year’s resolution people make is to begin an exercise regime. While this is a healthy new habit, it ignores the additional stress involved in adopting a new habit. Most of us have very busy lives; adding an hour at the gym into our schedules can create stress because we have less time to meet our other commitments such as sleep, socializing with friends, work obligations. In the long run, an exercise regime can reduce stress, but in the short run, there can be additional stress in integrating a new habit.
Advice about New Year’s Resolutions
Here are a few of my suggestions on how to succeed when you make a New Year’s resolution:
1. Before you begin a diet, give some thought to the ways you may use eating to avoid pain. Is your marriage or relationship an unhappy one, without sex or affection? Before beginning a diet, you may need to address those issues first; otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
2. Before you sacrifice a source of comfort, think about the unconscious feelings you may want to avoid. Are there feelings of anger, grief or resentment that you have avoided addressing? Depriving yourself of such comfort may introduce you to feelings you’re unprepared to face.
3. Acceptance. Understanding that establishing new habits, such as an exercise regime can also add some stress to your life. Can you ask for help from others to relieve the new time pressures? Can you become more efficient in your routines to free up time?
4. Support. It helps to have support from a friend or partner that understands what you are experiencing and can help you stick with your goals.
5. Set realistic goals. Losing 10 pounds in 60 to 90 days is realistic; losing 10 pounds in one week is not.
This coming year I have resolved to work less and spend more time with family and friends. This is a goal that may be hard to reach because I enjoy my work. But then, I have to face the anger that I feel that it’s impossible for me to do it all – see my clients, exercise, maintain my blog, writing my dissertation, maintain relationships, read books … and find time to sleep and relax! There is not just enough hours in the day. In other words, I may have to sacrifice an immediate gratification for a long-term benefit to my well-being and enjoyment of life in general.
If you’re making a resolution yourself this year, I wish you luck in keeping it!
Happy New Year, everyone!
